Stop “fixing”….Start listening
There are times when all we want is someone to listen. Ever feel that way? Not tell us their experiences with the same thing we are going through, not tell us about that one time that something close happened to them. Just hear and listen. I get it we all want to share that we completely understand and we have “been there”. But that is not always what people need.
Actually that is seldom what people “need”. Most people want/need to be heard and validated. OH WAIT…… don’t get me wrong I do not think anyone is trying to be the center of attention or make it abut them I just think they are trying to make us feel better knowing we are not alone. But have you ever noticed when you do this it ends up not being the same anyway? Then it is off onto something else all together? Do you think the person feels better or forgotten like their “stuff” doesn’t matter? By the way everyone does it. Not criticizing just reminding.
How do we know what someone needs?
Did they ask you?
I could use your advice?
Have you ever?
Has this ever happened to you?
Any of these sentences come into the conversation you are on! Share your experiences, solutions and advice to your hearts content.
But if these are the words they start with then all you need to be is a good attentive listener.
Can I talk to you?
I really need someone to talk to.
Do you have some time?
Or is they just start talking if they don’t ask for your opinion don’t give it.
How to be a good Listener?
Be 100% there, it’s hard but so worth it to be all in.
Remove all distractions.
Do not listen to respond…..most of us do this and once we have the answer we are afraid we will forget so we stop listening.
Remember you are not here to “fix it”. You are here to listen and let them be heard.
Wait for the Pause and then ask good questions. (remember we are not advising here)
What are Good Questions?
Tell me how that makes/made you feel?
What steps can you take to move past this?
Tell me more about that.
What can I do for you?
What is the real challenge for you?
Is there anything else?
What is a good resolution for you?
These are just a few. They can hep you be the I am here for you person you truly want to be rather than the I know it all and have lived it all.
I would love to hear your feedback. Be sure to follow and share!
Live a Life you Love 💗